So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
