wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
