We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
