you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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