Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize