I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
