on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
