Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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