she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
