My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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