sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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