Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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