Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
