dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
