So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
