According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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