Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
