I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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