I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Operation Purity has been aborted
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
