you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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