just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
