So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.