yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."