I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wow bdsm is so cute
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid