from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.