Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
