party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
