I CAN MOONWALK!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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