now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
