Come see our sink grown plant.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
