Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
