Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
