I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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