wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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