I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror