I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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