you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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