Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
