I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
