how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
