dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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