the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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