Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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