Michael Bay diarrhea
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..