I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.