Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?