I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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