Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
