Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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