oh god the rape fog is back!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
