just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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