If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
