the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
