I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
