i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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