Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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