wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
