this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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