her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
