hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
