im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
